Lucy

Earlier this summer I was able to go to China on a trip. I had been told before going that I would love the people, especially the children. I anticipated that being the case because I love children. Seems every trip I take I always connect with at least one or two children. I think I connect with kids so well because I believe they sense that they do not get on my nerves as quickly as they do with other adults, haha. Seriously, I'm not 100% sure why I connect so easily with children, but one child in China definately made an impresssion on me. Shortly into our China trip I met a little Chinese girl named Lucy. The others I had traveled with thought this was neat since my wife is such a fan of all things Lucy Arnez. Just as most of the people I met in China, Lucy was pretty shy and reserved when I met her. We took a picture together and I put my arm around her, but I sensed that she was not too sure about being so close to the big, scary looking guy from America. Her little arm didn't project much acceptaance as she ploitely put it on my shoulder. Over the next week, we were able to spend alot of time with Lucy and she made quite an impression on our group. I learned that Lucy and I could have a lot of fun hitting a balloon up in the air in the hotel lobby, or anywhere else we could keep one from bursting. She was sad when we left, so was I. The night before we left she presented us with scrolls she had written in Chinese sinography that represented characteristics/qualities she recognized in each of us. To say this meant a great deal to me personally goes without saying. I recognized the time and thought she'd put into handwriting each of these. She'd learned my name pretty well by the day we had to leave and although our goobye was rushed as we were trying to board a train, I'll never forget her little voice saying, "Bye, Mark". The hesitant hug she'd given me earlier was replaced with one of those good hugs we like to get from kids...where you have to ask yourself "Where does this little skinny kid get so much strength from." It was hard for us to tell her goodbye, not knowing if we'd ever see her again and unsure of what life held for her.

The picture on my personal computer at home is one taken of Lucy and me, my computer at the office has a picture of a little girl in India named Grace. Grace was abandoned in a garbage dump by her birth family and taken in by an Indian family I met while I was there. Grace's face and story are forever burned into my mind. Grace and Lucy...two children I know who are on the other side of the world that I pray for/shed tears for pretty often. My hopes/prayers for these two girls is that Christ would be their Lord and He would do great things through their lives. I could have saved myself some worry/held onto my "man card" by not allowing these two little girls to steal a part of my heart, but I willingly chose to open my heart up. Of course, I don't regret it. I'm not sure about Grace, since she was still only a baby when I met her, but Lucy sensed she could trust me and the others in our group she connected with. Seems it's a lot easier for me to "put myself out there" on the other side of the world or with children. Not so much with adults or here in the USA. Why? I've learned that it's alot easier/safer to hold onto your heart and not put too much trust into people because I've been burned so many times. Of course, we will probably all agree that this is natural with our society but what really bothers me is that it's even risky to do this within the Body of Christ. I've been reminded just recently that I can simply desire to serve the body of Christ, literally wear myself out giving my time/passion to serve others, and even risk myself a little by opening up my heart and sharing what God is doing in my life/saying to me and get burned pretty good for doing so.

Sometimes I ask myself, "Why even bother? Why put myself/my heart out there only to have my service to God and others questioned? Why do I even try to invest in people and friendships when it seems most will eventually turn on me or throw me under the bus?" Not sure if I have the answer today. Not even real sure if I have the energy/desire to keep subjecting myself to what seems to be more and more inevitable these days. I do know that as I pray/seek God in all of this, He keeps telling me to continue to risk myself and invest my heart/life in the body of Christ. I guess that's the consequence of committing yourself to following Christ with all you've got, the closer you get to Him seems the more you have to risk. I'd really like to be less vulnerable with my heart, some will say (especially my wife) that I don't risk myself as much as I should. But, I've wrestled with God over this most of the 3 hours I've been awake this morning and He hasn't let me off the hook. Guess I can't crawl up in the shell that looks so safe and comfortable after all! This may not make any sense to anyone else, but for me, just writing these feelings out helps. Realizing more and more that my life's goal is to be more and more like Christ every day, but the increasingly sobering reality is that the life/mission of Christ left Him betrayed, abandoned, criticized, doubted, questioned, falsely accused, spat upon, beaten, and brutally killed. Being a follower of Christ is not for the weak of heart, but the promise of eternity outweighs the struggles of this life.

If you've made it this far through my whining, thanks for reading, would love to know if anyone agrees with me or if this helped. By the way, Lucy had recently committed her life to Christ. As much as I'd like to get a hug from her right now or be assured that I'd get to see her again in this life, I know that I'll see her again. Love ya, Lucy. I'm hanging my "Quiet Mountain" writing you did for me in my office today.